Well, let's see if anywhere in the first part of the movie is there anything about a Spartan being a pansy and getting addicted?

When the boy was born... ... like all Spartans, he was inspected. If he'd been small or puny or sickly or misshapen... ... he would have been discarded.

Doesn't say anything about rehab.... It says he should have been discarded for being puny. And being sickly.... No rehab.. DISCARD HIM!!

From the time he could stand, he was baptized in the fire of combat. Taught never to retreat, never to surrender.

Isn't going to rehab a form of surrendering? Or was it getting weak and addicted to pills? Or maybe taking the pills in the first place? Either way he retreated!!

Taught that death on the battlefield in service to Sparta... ... was the greatest glory he could achieve in his life.

He didn't die in the battlefield.... I guess he hasn't achieved anything. Maybe one day this old Spartan could reach the greatest glory and die.

At age 7, as is customary in Sparta... ... the boy was taken from his mother and plunged into a world of violence.

Okay, I'm not sure at which age this fella left home... but i'm not sure how much violence he has been involved with other than the movies and this lame pill addiction.

Manufactured by 300 years of Spartan warrior society... ... to create the finest soldiers the world has ever known. The agoge, as it's called, forces the boy to fight.

Well if you edit this to mean other things, and like instead of 300 years, it's 100... and instead of Spartan warrior, it's Hollywood... And instead of the agoge, it's let's say pressure of filling Michael Jacksons shoes... Which I doubt is that hard to do. I think the midget from Little People, Big World could do it with ease.

Starves them, forces them to steal... ... and if necessary, to kill. By rod and lash the boy was punished... ... taught to show no pain, no mercy.

Obviously he sold out on this phrase. Because he was taught to show no pain, that's why he started popping pills left and right. Eating 300 of them a day. Well, that's what I think happened. Nobody is telling me differently.

Constantly tested, tossed into the wild. Left to pit his wits and will against nature's fury. It was his initiation... ... his time in the wild... ... for he would return to his people a Spartan... ... or not at all.

Hmmm... I don't want to sound like a rude person here... But maybe he shouldn't return at all. I mean we've already seen him in 300, the movie, not this stupid story. And well, none of his other movies have been anything that great. Hell, they haven't been anything Ashton Kutcher couldn't do.

I mean, if this guy wants to fill the shoes of say, Charlie Sheen, then go ahead and try, but obviously, he failed.

First rule of filling Charlie Sheen's shoes... Never admit your weak.