Twenety-One years ago today. A magical event occurred, something that since has changed the face of our world as we know it. Something that the world will never forget. Something now that a local shop owner will have the unhappy feeling of dealing with.
Eight men came together and made a baby.
And now it's twenty one years later.
So Happy Birthday!!
Wait a second!
How does 8 men make a baby?
How easy? I've never heard of this before?
Well, then sit right there and let me tell you a story of a man named King.
And seven of L.A.'s finest. How one night they altered how fathers tell their
sons about the birds and the bees.
March 3rd, 1991, when the innocent of the world was such that the words of
Twitter, Facebook or even MySpace were mearily dreams of nobodies. When even
the term American Online meant that Americans were in a line at a grocery
store or a randomly different form of shopping center. A man named Rodney
King was approached by a few of the Los Angeles' Police officers for a favor,
a kind favor at that.
What did they ask? Well, from the reports that are now known as testimony
and even to some people as common knowledge. Two police officers were driving
around one night, well, this actual night to be more acturat. Tim and Melanie
Singer, a husband-and-wife team of the California Highway Patrol, accordingly
to a very reliable website known as Wikipedia. They had spotted a car driving
on a road, a road known as some interstate with some number. It is said that
this road has lines on it, some solid some not.
Well, the Singers, being a husband-and-wife team, had a problem, they were
married and police officers, which if you do not know makes them very unable
to have sexual intercourse, because of the whole Miranda rights and such.
I think even John Wayne had something to do with it.
Yet, the Singers who being married and loving each other very much, yet no
able to show case their love and in desperate measure to show case it, decieded
to choose this young man, known as Rodney King, to show case their love.
And while doing so, the mutal decision to reproduce came up.
And in order to decied who should be the father, a small little incident
which some call a "Beating" occured. Yet, if asked by the right people, it
was a complete and utter lie, because what really happened was love, a sexual
intercourse of a police officers way.
While Melanie had thought Mr. King was reaching for his "gun" her supervisiong
officers came onto the scene to ruin the likely-hood of the young Singers
couple from having a child, a love child with Mr. King.
When Sergeant Stacey Koon came onto the scene and having the same problem
as the Singers, yet, not even being able to find a gentlemen caller had thought
of Mr. King as her special one, as her love. She ordered Melanie Singer to
step back and recognize!
Koon having more power ordered four other officers to hold Mr. King down
while she "kinged" him.
While this may seem completely insane for people who actually know the complete
story. Or have seen a birth certificate of the said officer or anyone who
can see for themselves. Ala the picture which is shown above and well, says
a million things over and over that there is no possible way someone could
have "kinged" him. Or various other things.
But it's the truth.
I swear on it.
Wikipedia is a liar, this is the truth.
Any how, back to the story, the seven officers and Rodney King made magic.
While a video taper named George Holliday had made this all public to well,
the public. He would go on to start Holliday Industry. A company that specializes
in police brutality making babies. It's odd, yet true.
When four police officers named with special names given to them by their
parents. Parents in which the Singers wanted to be, and these four men wanted
to help them be.
Took to any means they knew of, which all they knew were the usage of tasers
and batons. They beat -- err... I mean made LOVE to Mr. King.
They quote: Tempoarily halted Kings attempts to finish and when he did he
shook for five or ten seconds. And well, when things didn't seem to be completely
finished, they um, stung him with a taser, beat him up some more and threw
in some kicks.
Because that's how people make babies.
Well, that's how a bunch of men have a baby with a man.
Hell you don't think what you saw in the movies is true, right? I mean seriously,
how could Arnold Schwarzenegger have a baby? Especially with Danny DeVito,
I mean come on, The Lorax couldn't make a body builder a prego!
But seven police officers could, DUH!
So with this being a very difficult birthing method, and in order to make everything go correct, it took a few extra months then the usual 9 months
that it takes for a normal birthing period.
With the added pressure of having this been video taped and brought to the
public's eye, it took a long time with trials and tribulations.
Yet when it all finalized a year later on April 29th, the world would rejoice
and celebrate this unusual event. This never before done occurrence.
And how would they do this? By taking to the streets and throwing things
in complete happiness!
This celebration wasn't like your 1950s type celebration. A few guys didn't
stand around and get a cigar. Na, na, not this type of never before done
This thing lasted for days and days, it was amazing, it lasted like six days!
Hmm.. wonder what happened on the seventh?
As the riot... err... I mean celebration continued for days on days the National
Guard was called in about 4,000 of them. Marines, even Bill Cosby tried to
calm the masses. Schools were closed, and well, even some Marines stayed
a whole month in a attempt to try to calm the masses.
I mean, who wouldn't get excited and celebrate such a first.
And now here we stand, or sit, or whatever it is you are doing while reading
this. Hopefully you are reading this in braille, that would be cool. But any buts,
it's the babies 21st birthday.
While we've never seen this baby, or even heard of it before now, it must
be true, and it must be celebrated. So go out and drink one!
Yet, before we go on and forget about this tale. We should stop and think,
who could this child be. Could it be a girl? Or a boy? How about a liger?
Well, here at Hachland, we already know who it is.
It must be this person.....
Because nobody is as stupid as her. Not even this stupid story. Come on,
it was a brutal beating resulting in a riot. You should never come back and
thank someone for kicking your .........