ORIGINALLY SEEN --
November 22nd, 2003
Now,
before I begin, I know this is kind of cheap right now to attack Michael
Jackson. But it's something I feel I need to do. Not only because anything
you say about Michael Jackson now is not only the funniest shit alive, but
it is also quite sad.
So why am I calling for an all out attack on Michael Jackson? Is it because
I've been raped and harrased by the famous rapist? Nope. Sorry Mary. It's
basically with all the recent happenings in the news and the fact he looks
like a bonified freak and lives in a place called the Neverland Ranch.
Basically, I'm trying to show that Hachland is not the Neverland Ranch. Not
the fact you can't have fun here. But the fact that the Neverland Ranch is
underage abiss of sexual conduct involving a freak that not only destroyed
his own body, but a freak that would go out and buy the bones of a man known
as the "Elphant Man." A freak that enjoys riding Giraffes, and not only animals,
but little boys as well.
The Neverland Ranch is Hell on earth. Yet is presented to as Candy Land or
Disney Land, yet it is only a fish hook to catch the bait which is young
boys. Michael Jackson is to blame. And I wish there we're no kids in the
world so this Peter Pan want to be would fucking kill himself, and get the
world to live in peace.
It's not bad enough that he has been blamed for these things before. And
as for these things I mean molesting of children mainly little boys. Which
is not only as disgusting as the way Michael Jackson's apperance has become,
but also that he is a 5'11" man weighing at 120 pounds. Yes, this may not
seem bad to most men. But figure this, most super models are not even this
skinny.
Now, I feel it's time to talk about the past of Michael Jackson. He started
out in Jackson Five, but maybe that's where it all started. His love for
little boys. Jackson Five. I think he started thinking hey, Jackson Five.
My name is Jackson, and five year old little boys are hot. So you ask, where
did I get the little boys part? Well, Jackson was a little boy when he was
in Jackson Five. Duh!
Or did it all go wrong in the 80s when he seemingly went alright. With his
smash hits and billion dollars he made. He made all this money and well,
he became famous. Famous with little boys. And instead of female groupies
of age, he had little boy groupies. Little kids wanted to be him and idolized
him. Personally, my parents and I argued and I killed them, leading to me
to not enjoy Michael Jackson, because I had respect for music. And I always
hate it when people spend more time dancing around then actually singing
decent songs and putting their heart and soul into it.
Staying with the same era of the 80s. Maybe it was his success added with
the success of Weird Al Yankovic that lead him to love little boys. Because
he feared that all men and well, women, but this theory and most of these
theories of mine involve him being GAY. So continuing with my theory, he
feared all men hated him, because of Weird Al, so he caught on with little
boys, those who were not of age or mindset yet to actually listen to Weird
Al or Dr. Demento, the person who usually plays these different songs. Thus
leading Michael Jackson to become a young boy lover or as Matt would call
it a Hot Pocket lover.
Alright, so your asking yourself where in the hell does all this talk of
Neverland Ranch v. Hachland actually come in. This entire column, babble
or whatever the fuck you call it has been a total Michael Jackson bashing.
Now before you start calling CNN on me and telling Larry King that he looks
like a dead duck that got killed 20 times. Think of this one word: Stop.
But that's all besides the point because what I'm about to do now is do a
head on head comparision of Hachland and Neverland Ranch. You may have seen
something along these lines before, but never like this. Because well, this
invovles the biggest land of them all -- Hachland.
Hachland |
vs |
Neverland Ranch |
|
Their Mission |
To raise an eyebrow at "mainstream" and to show everyone's got a
opinion. |
|
To allow children to enjoy childhood and to never grow up |
Winner: Push; Both Seemingly Good Motivates
|
|
Their Features |
Analyze Porn 101, Dissasosation Way, The Hach Show, Government Warning,
Babbles (Eat The Brain, The Remedy, Toefer Speaks), and more |
|
Live train, small lake, amusment park rides, animals, Michael Jackson's
bed |
Winner: Hachland; Michael Jackson's Bed Scary
|
|
Awards |
As of 11/22/03 - None |
|
Neverland Ranch - None; Michael Jackson - Countless Awards |
Winner: Neverland Ranch; Michael Jackson Gets The Win
|
|
Most Fan Friendly? |
Anyone can visit. Suggested age 18 and up. |
|
Very few can visit. Unless your selected age is 12 and under. Or you have
a couple grand laying around. |
Winner: Hachland; Money IS NOT a option
|
|
Cop Involvement |
Hachland has never been raided by police or any other law enforcements. |
|
Numerously searched and seized. |
Winner: Hachland; No Record Is A Good Record
|
|
Most Common Visitor |
Matt, now a member of Hachland who writes The Remedy and works on Hachland
Wrestling. |
|
Macaulay Culkin, the Godfather to two of Michael Jackson's kids. Star
of Home Alone. |
Winner: Neverland Ranch; Although Macaulay is 22 years younger
|
|
Symbol |
Upside down Military star. |
|
A Girafee. |
Winner: Hachland; Creativity.
|
|
Overall |
Never being in trouble and full of up-and-comers, who are of age, and
a creative out put. |
|
Dispite recent happenings, Neverland Ranch is still one of the coolest
celebrity homes. |
Winner: Hachland; What can I say? Sexual acts with little boys and
destroying your personal look is never good. |
|
So there you have it. Neverland Ranch should be closed down and renamed to
Hachland. Because Hachland primary belives that the future of kids should
not be fucked over, literally. Hachland belives that the children are our
future, but also believes you can't get to the top by getting railed in the
ass. Arrest Michael Jackson, do not give him any breaks, dig up everything
and anything, and then throw him in jail with his father Joe Jackson. Because
all of this talk of Neverland Ranch is bad news for every land out there.
From Candy Land to Disney Land to Iceland and to even this site we know and
love as Hachland. So burn it or give it up Michael, because your not only
a freak, a perv, but hey, dude, your gay! And nobody digs Freak Eye For the
Little Boy's Brown Eye. 'Cause it is what I said it is. It's gay.
|
